For quite some time now, I’ve wanted to do a review of the very first episode of Battlestar Galactica, season 4. This is essentially on the grounds that the new Galactica rules. In any case, since the second episode has come and gone, all my Battlestar Galactica pals will have seen the new season and understood that it will be absolutely amazing. Therefore, a review is somewhat late. So how should I deal with this in a way that will keep me both self-satisfied and delighted? Bingo! I’ll go in for some good humored ribbing. Here goes…
1. Decision Making
The episode begins. Our TV screens are loaded with pictures of dials and blinky things. Furthermore, somebody, maybe your standard Data or Dualla character, tells the man in control that they have a decision to make. The choice is; they can either save a billion people from an asteroid or one young girl with braids and a candy the size of Commander Riker’s head. What might the leaders of these particular shows do when offered such a decision? Here’s how it would go…
Star Trek: The Next Generation: Picard turns to Data and Geordi and orders them to solve the impasse in 40 minutes even though the whole Starfleet Core of Engineers and numerous teams of scientists haven’t solved it in the last 40 years. Three commercial breaks later, everyone is alive and sipping Picard’s earl grey while enjoying cartoons on thedeck. No repercussions on the characters what-so-ever. Data goes back to making lame puns while Geordi bemoans Reading Rainbow. “Why?” he screams, “Why?!?” Deanna Troi wears something hot and slinks around while she talks in an annoying voice. Her mother tries to bang Picard, but the Captain’s a priest or something, so no go. Riker gains more weight. Meanwhile, I’m left sighing and wanting more.
The new Battlestar Galactica: The universe has one less pigtailed girl in it. So it’s for the best, really. Only a million of the billion people are actually saved because a single bolt was missing from the contraption used to perform the rescue. A grieving Adama starts bawling like a chick and staring at pictures of his dead wife. Colonel Tigh gets drunk and takes a swing at Baltar.
Baltar runs away and deals with his problems by getting laid way more in a single night than I will in my entire life. President Roslin shoves someone out an airlock. Starbuck gets laid, then gets drunk and kicks Tigh in his gristled old-man nards. Then she has her first homosexual experience with Dualla. Later, we find out that the million people they saved are actually Cylons who nearly destroy the fleet. It’s a cliffhanger! Awesome! The whole thing becomes a painful affair that has lasting repercussions for at least two seasons. We all find out that Dirk Benedict is God. Now that’s a show!
Correct. This alone has me incline towards Battlestar Galactica. Which show is more emotional? Which has more guts? Now, that is just the starting.